Week 11: March 25 Weigh-In

Food column: 4 stickers and 3 Fs. FAIL. This week was completely out of hand. My schedule was out of whack because of a lot of unusual things and my food choices suffered for it. This week I will have to pay close attention to food because I already know I won’t be able to exercise every day.

Exercise column: 4 stickers and 3 Fs. FAIL. I thought for a couple of days that I broke my big toe, but it turns out it was a pretty bad sprain. I would like to tell you I got the 3 Fs because I couldn’t exercise, but it’s not true. I was limping for a lot of the week but the elliptical didn’t seem to hurt my toe at all. Now that’s ironic! No, the reason I got the 3 Fs is because I ran myself ragged and shorted myself on sleep. As a result I had a lot of problems getting up early to work out. It’s my fault completely.

This week I already know the best I can do is 5 stickers and 2 Fs because I have company coming to town. In addition to not wanting to wake them up at 4 am (which is when I exercise) the room with my elliptical will be occupied this week. This is life though. Things come up and we are not always given the ideal circumstances for weight loss. I will do my best!

Water column: All stickers. PASS! I’m loving my body’s response to all of the water. It really can’t get enough and I’m happy to oblige.

Lose 2.2 lbs this week?: Not only no, but I gained a pound! That’s not even failing forward…that’s just failing. Like I mentioned last week though, failing is punishment enough so I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I don’t want to give the impression I’m trying to sweep it under the rug though. Believe me, I feel the sting. I also know the deck is kind of stacked against me this coming week and I’m going to need to focus all of my attention on that so I don’t make the whole situation worse. I simply don’t have the time to dwell and kick myself.

How will I feel if I reach my goal this week?: This week does not feel like a week where I can attack the problem. This week feels more like a week where my defenses will be tested. If I can get 5 stickers in each of the food and exercise columns, I will feel like I have succeeded. In addition to the exercise restrictions, we will be going around town to theme parks and playing the tourist. That means my food choices are going to be very important. There will probably be more chances to cheat than to make good choices, but I’m going to have to learn how to deal with this. That is what the real world is like, right?

How will I feel if I don’t reach my goal this week?: I will be deflated. I definitely can’t afford to move backwards any more pounds than I did this week. Plus, I am STILL in this 10 lb range I hate. I need to get out of it soon!

I was thinking this week about how much planning we do to lose weight. We plan everything down to the detail and yet losing weight is still a bit out of our control. What I mean is, we can plan our food, exercise, water, sleep, and other variables, but possibly the most important variable is still uncontrollable: how our body reacts to all of that. Isn’t that just plain frustrating? It is kind of the constant unknown. It’s sort of like doing algebra, but never really knowing what “x” stands for. The thing is, we may never know exactly how it will respond, but it is absolute that it will be a contributing factor.

From a physical perspective, really listen to what your body likes and dislikes. What it thrives on and what makes it crumble. Set your expectations around those.

From a mental perspective, understand that our will and logic will only take us so far. We can set goals based on right and wrong; addition and subtraction; time and weight; and we can try to say we passed or failed based on those results. The problem is our bodies don’t measure by any of those things.

If you find that your decisions are not matching to your physical capabilities, it’s probably your decisions that need tweaking. As they say, “It is useless to push a cart sideways.” Study the rules of the game your body is playing and set reasonable goals around that.

Total weight loss: 13.1

Milestone 1: March 24

Goal vs Reality: My goal was to lose 24 lbs. I lost 13.1. Technically a fail, but I also measured myself from head to toe at the beginning and I measured myself again today. I am really proud of some measurements. For instance I lost 2 ½ inches each from my hips and my waist.

Also really encouraging measurements are my legs. Remembering that I have Lymphedema, the size difference between my legs was 4 ¼ inches at the beginning. (Meaning my Lymphedema leg was 4 ¼ inches larger around than my other leg.) Now the size difference between them is 3 inches. This measurement gives me hope! It is showing me that the leg with Lymphedema is responding well to my efforts. Perhaps my legs may be close to the same size when I’m done. I am definitely willing to continue and find out!

Lessons Learned:

Let’s not be slaves to the scale. Yes, it is an effective way to measure progress, clearly it is not the only way though. Weight is a number that is hard to define in a way. I lost 13.1 lbs. What does that look like? How much of that was fat vs. muscle vs. water vs. ____? But, when I say I lost 2 ½ inches off my waist, that is visual. That is a pants size. (Which it did turn out to be, by the way.) I will continue to weigh and to measure because they both have value, but clearly the measuring has helped put the scale in its place.

Every day matters. Some days I thought I was cheating and “just having a treat.” But some of those days ended up starting a chain reaction that cost me the better part of a week. Tie all of those together, and that’s why I’m short 11 lbs on my goal. It didn’t happen to me….I caused it. As much as I wish it were different, it is my reality right now. I might as well face it. The good news is, I am able to identify the problem and not repeat it. 

“Failing Forward” is a good description. The fact is I failed, but I succeeded a bit too. I didn’t reach my goal, but I made progress in that direction. I am happy to be here, but I also remember that this is not the end of the line. I’m only passing through so I will continue to set goals that require me to work hard and give my best. 

A balanced approach takes work. As I suspected, I am disappointed that I didn’t reach my goal of losing 24 lbs. I also suspected that I wouldn’t feel like the weight I lost was a waste of time, and I don’t. I am thankful for the weight I’ve lost and I’m enjoying the benefits it already brings. I feel the need to value the progress I’ve made…while realizing I want to make more progress…but not diminishing the value of the progress I’ve made. I hope that makes sense to someone else too!

Next Milestone: May 18

Goal: lose 15.4 lbs (that is 2.2 lbs times 7 weeks)

Week 10: March 18 Weigh-In

Food column: All stickers this week. Pass! I had some great achievements. Yesterday, for example, people were enjoying tortilla chips and guacamole. In a moment of weakness, I reached for the bag thinking I would only have one chip. With my arm fully stretched out, my brain kicked in and shouted, “NO!” I pulled my hand back and walked away. I love the taste of tortilla chips, but they are practically the kiss of death. Every time I have eaten them I don’t lose weight.

Exercise column: All stickers this week here too. Pass! I’m loving how I feel because of working out. I’m even completing my usual distance on the elliptical in a shorter time. I’m really happy with my improvement in this area.

Water column: So did I do it? Did I get all stickers in all columns this week? YES! All stickers here too. I found that drinking when I’m thirsty (after my 64 oz requirement) brought me to over 128 oz almost every day. Water is an amazing thing.

People are always surprised that I drink so much water and often think I must love the taste of water. That is true, but there are cases that I would rather have something with more taste. (Shh, don’t tell anyone…) When that happens, I put one of those flavor pouches in my water. There’s a ton of brands that offer them these days and you can find them a lot of places. (Just be sure to watch the sugar content.)

I usually drink my flavored water right after lunch because one of my habits has always been to have something sweet after I eat. My raspberry flavored water tastes like juice to me and it satisfies that sweet habit.

That made me think of something. After dinner is my biggest trigger to want to eat something sweet. Someone gave me a tip that utilizes a few ingredients allowed on The Maker’s Diet that helps me with my dire sweet cravings. Combine 1 Tbsp organic cocoa powder, 1 Tbsp honey, and 1 tsp coconut oil. Heat in microwave for about 20 seconds and mix. Chocolate! I have tweaked it to my specific taste so it ends up more like 1 ½ - 2 Tbsp organic cocoa powder, ½ - 1 Tbsp honey, and 1 tsp+ of coconut oil. It is so good and it’s not much volume wise, but it is completely satisfying. I only have it one or two times a week and sometimes I can’t even finish it because it tastes so sweet.

Lose 2.2 lbs this week?: Yes! I lost 2.25 lbs this week. Pass! Since my first milestone date is on Sunday, and I’m 10.25 lbs away from it, it’s obvious I’m going to fail to reach my goal. It’s disappointing. I hate failing. I’m proud of the progress I’ve made though.

I am going to roll over whatever weight I haven’t lost for this milestone into the next one. It just goes to show, every week matters. You can’t count on the ability to catch up because the variables change all the time and you won’t know which ones you’re dealing with.

My goal for next week is to lose 3.5 lbs. Why? Because that will put me in the next 10 lb range. I hate being in this 10 lb range and I’m so close to being out of it. My best chance to lose 3.5 lbs will be to get all stickers again so I guess I have a double goal next week.

How will I feel if I reach my goal this week?: I will feel like I have taken a full step forward and moved into a new phase. It’s all about movement and momentum, right? Renewing my motivations and drives keeps things fresh and helps me take little steps. After all, this is a game of baby steps…only Olympians do the long jump.

How will I feel if I don’t reach my goal this week?: Ugh…I don’t even want to think about that. I would probably feel like I’m in a boat in the middle of a lake….without oars. It feels like I’ve been in this 10 lbs for a long time. I’m ready for a new 10 lbs!

Since I’m on the verge of failure, I’ve been thinking about how we treat ourselves when we fail. We seem to have infinite understanding and support for others when they’ve failed, yet we treat ourselves so terribly when we fail. If you are in a place where you are really upset, or perhaps you have failed and you are tempted to beat yourself up because you feel that is what you deserve, consider this: To fail and learn something from it is a valuable experience. To fail and punish yourself for it has the potential to stall your progress. Isn’t failing reaping what we’ve sewn? The consequence of our actions? Isn’t failing punishment enough?

Choose to learn from failure or choose to beat yourself up. Either way you will eventually have to stand up again. It might as well be sooner. Plus if you learned from your failure, you will know one path that didn’t take you where you wanted to go. Finding what doesn’t work can sometimes help us narrow down what does work.

If you have failed, like me, and are having a hard time with it, ask yourself: Did I really think I would get to the end with a perfect track record along the way? If that’s the case, prepare yourself, your expectations were unreasonable. It’s not possible to be perfect.

Here’s the silver lining and a thought you can carry with you: You don’t have to run a perfect race…you just need to cross the finish line. It won’t matter if you’re bruised, limping, or even on crutches. Just finish the race!

Total weight loss: 14.1 lbs

Week 9: March 11 Weigh-In

Food column: 6 stickers and 1 F. This is my low for the week. The F was yesterday and I was on the fence about whether or not it really was worthy of an F. I decided to give myself the F because it wasn’t a solid non-F. I didn’t want to take credit for something I wasn’t 100% proud of. I want next week to be solid stickers.

I made great strides with food week. Someone offered me a doughnut and my instant reaction was to turn it down. I didn’t feel bad about it at all which is progress. Part of me wanted it, but more of me wanted the weight loss. This is a victory for me. I think part of the trick may be to stop trying to make ourselves not want things, but to ask ourselves what we want more: To enjoy that thing for the short term and probably complicate our weight loss, or to choose the weight loss over our fleeting taste buds?

Exercise column: All stickers this week! Pass! I have a tv in the room that I work out in and it has really helped to put on a movie I have never seen before while working out. It keeps me interested and I’m not constantly looking at the clock. I have been watching the same movie for 3 days now and I will be watching it again tomorrow morning. It sort of reminds me of school. Do you remember when they use to show movies but it would be broken up over a couple of days? I don’t think I’ve watched a movie like that since. Funny…

Water column: All stickers this week! Pass! This is the high of my week. The only requirement I have is to drink at least 64 oz of water a day. Many days I was still thirsty beyond that and I even drank 128 oz a couple of days. I was shocked! I did well over the weekend too because I was very aware of meeting my daily goal. That really helped having a minimum number to shoot for and measure against. I’m really happy about this addition to my quest.

Lose 2.2 lbs this week?: Yes! I actually lost 3.25 lbs! I didn’t make my 5.25 lb loss, but I am still very happy about how much I did lose and I had the coolest thing happen when I weighed in this morning. You know on those big, professional scales at the gym or dr.’s office? You know how the bottom weight goes in 50 lb increments? Well I normally go straight to a certain 50 lb increment and then adjust the top number a few pounds. Today I went to my usual 50 lb increment and it didn’t even attempt to balance, it just went thud! Of course I am only a few pounds below it, but still…it made me happy.

Goal setting for the next couple of weeks is kind of tricky. My first milestone goal is 2 weigh-ins away and I have 12.5 lbs to lose. That means I have to lose 6.25 lbs for the next 2 weigh-ins to reach my goal. Not likely, however it will still be my weight goal for this week. More importantly, I’m still chasing the 100% sticker week in all categories. I was one sticker away from this week and it will be mine next week!

How will I feel if I reach my goal this week?: I will be very proud of myself and feel more confident. I enjoyed the “fight” this week and my belief level is definitely rising.

How will I feel if I don’t reach my goal this week?: I will feel very angry. I don’t like to feel like I’m wasting my time. This year everything seems to be aligned from the motivation to the timing. If I waste time and defer reaching my goal I will have wasted a great opportunity.

I want to say a special Thank You to a couple of people: My trainer and my sister-in-law. Both of them have been so supportive, encouraging, and have stopped me from beating myself up too much.

My trainer always encourages me to keep moving forward even when I’ve failed…and even when she’s in the middle of a really rough week. She has been there from the beginning and helped me dare to dream I could achieve my goals. She is definitely a person who can look past the duckling’s exterior and see the swan.

My sister-in-law is in the middle of her own quest. She’s in the ring and getting knocked around like the best of them and she’s fighting back. I’m really proud of her. I am not proud of her based on whether or not she reaches her goal. I’m proud of her because she has set a goal and has the nerve to get up and fight for it. It’s inspiring.

Total weight loss: 11.85 lbs

Week 8: March 4 Weigh-In

Food column: 5 stickers and 2 Fs. Fail. They were not major infractions, but they did exist and they shouldn’t have. This is my low for the week. Bad food choices don’t happen by accident. They are usually a lightning-fast choice or a knee-jerk reaction. In my case this week it was just not being as disciplined as I should have been.

I had a thought this weekend that really should have been obvious. Do you know those thoughts that roll through our heads that try to convince us that it’s an injustice that we can’t eat the things we want? I have those thoughts and I sometimes get mad when I see someone eating something that I can’t eat. Then I get over dramatic and think, “It’s not fair that I can never eat that food again!!” It occurred to me this weekend that there are a few different categories of food:

Food we eat to lose weight

Food we should always eat

Food we should only have occasionally

Food that is not good to ingest…ever

What am I really upset about? I am currently trying to live within the two categories of Food we eat to lose weight and Food we should always eat. So is it really worth throwing a fit because I’m “missing out” on Food we should only have occasionally and Food that is not good to ingest…ever? If I reach my goal by Thanksgiving that really means I will have to do without Food we should only have occasionally for about 8 months. Oh tragedy! I really need to get over the “poor me” issue here.

Exercise column: 4 stickers and 3 Fs. Fail. I can’t pinpoint an exact issue here except I just didn’t do it. I could have tried harder in this area…definitely. There was one day in the middle of the week that I was run down so I didn’t get up early to exercise. Yesterday and today, I’m going to have to take the blame and know that I didn’t try my absolute hardest to reach my goal. I’m disappointed in myself.

Water column: This is new so I’m going to have the first results next week. I’ve added this column because dehydration has been an issue for at least two weekends now. This weekend I had a horrible headache for two days and I don’t normally get headaches.

Drinking water during the day at work is no problem. I can normally drink between 32 and 64 oz before I leave for the day. On the weekends, my schedule is not very disciplined so I don’t keep track of my water intake as well.

So, my water goal per day is at least 64 oz. As usual, a sticker = achievement, an F = fail.

Lose 2.2 lbs this week?: No, I lost 1.25 lbs. Fail. This is my high for the week though. I’m happy that I lost weight, but I didn’t reach my goal….by a long shot. I would definitely call it failing forward. It was a major improvement from last week and put me back on the right track.

Here comes the big problem. I have 3 weigh-ins left to lose 15.75 lbs and reach my milestone goal. That means I need to lose 5.25 lbs each week for the next 3 weigh-ins. I don’t know if that’s possible. I’m not going to say it can’t be done because I have lost 5.25 lbs before in Week 4. Plus, to say it can’t be done makes it more probable that it won’t and I won’t put that out there. I’m going to deal with this by shifting my focus this week. I have yet to get all stickers in both the food and exercise columns. Now I have an additional column for water. My goal this week will be to get all stickers in every column. That will prove I tried my very best and I’m willing to let the chips fall where they may after that.

These next two questions come as a suggestion from my trainer. I think they’re a great addition here because it helps put my head in the right place. Thinking about and answering each one really tells you what you want and how badly you want it.

How will I feel if I reach my goal this week?: If I get stickers in every column this week I will feel a great sense of accomplishment! It will make me feel like I got a peek into what I’m capable of…and it will make me feel tough :) I’m tired of feeling weak. I’m tired of assuming I can’t do it and working really hard to convince myself that I can do it. It should be the other way around!

How will I feel if I don’t reach my goal this week?: I would feel really embarrassed, disappointed, pathetic, and I would probably feel like giving up. Part of the reason I started this blog was to face the truth so I can change what I don’t like. When I have to write on here how I’ve failed, and especially when it’s by poor choices, I feel like people reading it would think I can’t do it and I’m just kidding myself. I HATE that thought.

Since I started my weight loss quest I have dropped down into a new 10 lb range. However, I’m only a couple of pounds below the top end. I hate this 10 lb range!! I’m so sick of being stuck in here and I want to drop down to the next 10 lb range!

 I can’t remember who said it, but my motto for this week will be: “Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.”

Total weight loss: 8.6 lbs