The Dreaded Candy Dish

There is a candy dish at my work available for employees to take what they like. (I think it’s supposed to be a way for the company to show a small level of appreciation to the employees by giving them a treat.) In the dish there are multiple kinds of Snickers, Butterfingers, Reese’s, Hershey’s, Kit Kat, and the list goes on… Since the day I started working here, the existence of that dish has tormented me.

About four months ago, the budget for the candy was cut. While everyone was bummed, I was jumping for joy inside. Finally I wouldn’t have to deal with it! I never brought it up again and hoped no one else would either. That was working fine until last week. It was brought up again, the budget was restored, and the candy dish was once again staring me in the face.

If things were different, I could simply ignore it, avoid walking past it, or find another way to forget it exists. The reason I can’t do any of those things is because as part of my job I am responsible for it. I am responsible to buy the candy and then to fill the dish EVERY DAY. Plus, the stash is literally two steps from my desk and I know exactly what’s in there.

This is frustrating…to the nth degree. It’s already hard enough to avoid sweets or junk food while grocery shopping, but to have to look at it every day and decide what kind of candy to put in the dish is beyond agonizing.

Have you ever gone to the grocery store and filled your cart with almost $200 worth of Halloween candy?  It draws attention. I ALWAYS get asked about it. Next time I have to shop, I should fill my cart full of the usual candy and then put one apple on top. That way the next time someone asks, “Are you stocking up for Halloween early?” I can say, “No, I’m just trying to eat healthier.” I bet it would be hilarious to watch them get so confused.

Week 3: January 28 Weigh-In

Food column: I got four Fs this week. I spent a day finishing recovering from being sick and two days getting back in the groove. I also went to a party and made some really poor food choices. I want so badly to have no Fs in this column next week for the first time!

Exercise column: I got four stickers this week. Fail. This just proves how food and exercise need to be in sync. Neither one can make up for the other. Four days of exercising could not save me from all of the food mistakes I made this week. Next week I will be back to all stickers in this column!

Lose 2.2 lbs this week?: Not only did I not lose 2.2 lbs this week, I gained 3.6 lbs! I can’t even begin to explain how upset I am by this. Having to post this is embarrassing, but that was the reason for creating a blog in the first place. Previously, I would have hidden it or become depressed and eaten even more stuff I shouldn’t. This way, I have to face it and decide how to respond. The last thing I want to do is have to write on here next week that I ate everything in sight and gained even more weight. This embarrassment is driving me to work hard this week and show that I am determined to lose this weight!

Total weight loss: 1.5 lbs

Week 2: January 21 Weigh-In

Food column: This week was a mess. I spent more than half of it sick and my food intake was all over the place. I think I should get an F every day this week. Fail. Lots of room to improve on next week though.

Exercise column: Again because of being sick I only got two stickers this week. Fail. I did begin to miss the exercise though. That’s a new development for me. Do I like working hard, getting all sweaty, and feeling muscle fatigue. Nope. But I do miss the results that gives me.

Lose 2.2 lbs this week?: No sticker, I got an F. My total was -1.1 lbs. Failing forward though!

Total weight loss: 5.1 lbs.

Week 1: January 14 Weigh-In

Food column: I got 4 Fs in this column this week. I definitely need to improve in this area next week. I will say that I am really hard on grading myself with food. I didn’t have any candy, but I had wheat, for instance, that I know my body does not digest well. I gave myself an F because it could have been a setback as much as sugar could have been. Like I said, I’m being hard on myself in this area because this is the number one place that I can sabotage myself.

Exercise column: Six out of six days! All stickers in this column this week. YAY!!! Success! I need to keep it up next week.

Lose 2.2 lbs this week?: Yes! I got a sticker here this week. My total was -4.0 lbs. Keep it up!

Total weight loss: 4.0 lbs

Find A Way To Celebrate Or Be Recognized For Your Successes

Oh boy, it’s time to be creative! Celebrating and recognizing your successes are important, but food should not be the vehicle. How many times have you heard or said, “Let’s go out to dinner to celebrate”? Me too. Of course it is possible to go out and order something semi-healthy, but why make it harder on yourself? It is way too easy to stray once you’re in that position. Also beware if your inner dialog is saying something like, “I worked hard, I deserve a treat.” In my opinion, that could be emotional eating too. At least for me it is. When my inner dialog says something like that the translation is: I want something sugary and here’s justification for why I’m going to eat it. That habit has only caused problems so far so I’m going to abandon it. I’m now working very hard to avoid making food the reward.

When you meet a goal, try rewarding yourself by downloading a new workout song, buy a new book, or go to a movie (but don’t go to the concession stand!) It just depends on what you’re interested in and what motivates you. Break the cycle and reward yourself in a way that feeds another of your interests.

I have a chart that asks me questions and I answer them daily: Did you exercise? Did you eat well? Did you lose 2.2 lbs this week? There are only two answers: F = no, and a sticker of my choice = yes. That’s my version of being recognized. I can look back on my chart and learn from my mistakes or pat myself on the back for meeting my goals for the week. It’s useful because, good or bad, it is fact. That’s how it happened and I can’t hide from it now.

Well, there it is: all the rules, boundaries, theories, and decisions. Now’s the time where “the rubber meets the road.” I’m ready to give those decisions life and test those theories!

Find A Way To Be Held Accountable

Here’s a tricky one, especially if you’re an emotional eater like me. I want something to answer to, but rebel against any kind of authority when it comes to food. I have tried teaming up with other people who are trying to lose weight. That is tough because when they lose more weight than me, it turns competitive in my mind. That never ends well for me when we’re talking about weight loss. It’s too easy to psych myself out and play mind tricks on myself. That usually ends in an emotional place and how do I deal with my emotions? I eat. And the cycle rages on…

So, what to do? My answer was to start this blog. I’m sending this out into the world and it doesn’t matter if a million people read it or no one reads it. By simply putting it out there where it’s out of my head and I can’t hide from it is making me accountable. Every week I will update this with my weekly weigh-in results…good or bad. It is good for me to have this to update, otherwise Monday would come and it would be too easy to simply decide it didn’t count this week if it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to.

For others, accountability could be something as simple as a chart in your house where people can see it, two spouses planning meals together, working with a trainer, or keeping a journal. My point is, it doesn’t have to be public, but it does have to be something you face and be honest about.

Deal With the Psychology That Helped You Gain Weight

I am NOT a mental health professional either, but this is another hot topic for me. I mentioned I am an emotional eater. I eat when I’m happy, sad, celebrating, alone, mad, rebelling, discouraged, etc. I can come up with a justification to eat so fast! There’s some major inner-dialog going on in my head on this one.

I think this is part of the reason I haven’t been successful in my weight loss quest. I haven’t fixed the cause yet. It’s like having a giant weed in your yard. If you just keep mowing over it you will trim it, but it will never go away. Only when you get in there and pull it out by the root will it stay away. In my case, weight is not the problem, it’s the symptom.

I have started reading a book called “Breaking Free from Emotional Eating” by Geneen Roth. It has opened by eyes tremendously so far and I am shocked at how deep these particular roots go. I have lots of pulling to do in the coming months, but on the upside, that also means I have no reason to fear food. Food is not a being, it doesn’t have a voice, it doesn’t even have a vote. It is fuel, that’s it. The problem comes from me misusing food and I do that because of a variety of emotions and “emotional scars.” I have used food to feed my mind instead of my body. That’s the problem. I’m trying to make food fill a role it wasn’t designed for.

Get the Appropriate Amount of Sleep

In my opinion, there’s a sweet spot to making sure you’re not pushing your body too hard while depriving it of sleep and to waking up when your body is done sleeping. I find as my body starts to get use to exercising, it just doesn’t sleep quite as long at night.

When I have worked out and not slept enough, I find the weight does not come off. Even if I’m eating really well. It’s kind of unreasonable to demand so much from our bodies and then deprive it of its recovery time.

I’m not advocating that we sleep all day either. My guess is if I eat right, exercise, and get a good amount of sleep (all on a daily basis), my body will want to do just about anything other lay in bed all day.

Figure Out Nutrition That Works

Again, I am NOT a trainer or a doctor. If you need help in this area, ask a professional. What I can share with you is I have been to my doctor and had some blood tests to make sure I am not in a danger zone and I don’t have some looming health problems. I was afraid I may be pre-diabetic, or have some hormone levels out of whack or something, but all my levels came back normal and I am not pre-diabetic.

I have figured out a couple of things about myself though. My body does not like wheat or dairy so I avoid them as much as possible. Apart from that, I have chosen to follow “The Maker’s Diet” by Jordan S. Rubin. My body feels wonderful when I follow his food suggestions and I don’t feel deprived in any way.

Create An Exercise Plan

Here’s a big one. This will definitely vary by individual. I am NOT a trainer or a doctor, so if you have medical conditions or you just don’t know where to start, go see a professional. You will be glad you did. Since I am not a professional, I am simply sharing my story and inviting you along for the ride.

For me, Lymphedema plays a huge part in how I approach exercising. My doctor says cardio is better for Lymphedema than weight training so she suggested my workout routine be almost entirely cardio. I am thankful to have an elliptical at home and we are becoming friends.

My first goal in this area is to work out 6 days a week for 30 minutes a day. I’m really confident I will be increasing the time spent per day as I get in better shape and shed some pounds.

Set Goals With Deadlines

I started by weighing myself. Now I knew how bad the problem was, but we all have to start somewhere, right?

Then I figured out how much I should weigh. This was a little tricky for me since I have never been my full height and anywhere near my goal weight at the same time. I looked up some goal weight calculators online for my height and am using that for my ultimate goal for the time being. I will have to re-evaluate as I get closer.

Lastly I figured out when I want to reach my goal weight. I decided Thanksgiving 2013 is the time. Since I know my personal deficiencies don't allow me to make an 11 month goal and be able to keep up momentum, I knew I would have to set some milestones. It occurred to me that there are some built in milestones for me this year that I can use to my advantage, so I began planning around those.

I started this a few weeks ago, but here's how all of the numbers break down:

·         Mondays are my weigh-in days. (I use to weigh in on Fridays, but I found that if I did well I would celebrate over the weekend and end up gaining weight. I chose Mondays so I would have to keep myself in check over the weekend. I knew I had to face the scale on Monday.) I also decided not to weigh myself any time during the week. My poor habits will tempt me to relax if I find I’m doing well in the middle of the week. If I stick to my food and exercise goals, the weight should take care of itself.

·         I need to lose a total of 95 lbs

·         There are 45 Mondays between 1/14 and 11/24

·         95/45=2.11111. I rounded up to 2.2 lbs per week

·         Goal 1: Lose 22 lbs by March 24

·         Goal 2: Lose 18.4 lbs by May 18

·         Goal 3: Lose 35.2 lbs by September 7

·         Goal 4: Lose 24 lbs by November 24 to reach my goal weight

·         This actually overshoots my goal by 4.6 lbs, but I’m going to leave it for now. Again, I don’t know exactly what my goal weight is.

Sometimes people are nervous about setting dates to goals. I’m not sure if they’re afraid they’ll get to that day and find they didn’t reach the goal and then feel demotivated or depressed and end up in a downward eating spiral. I’m not positive of their reasoning, but I think dates on goals are absolutely necessary. I also think the dates need to be kept in perspective. They are not something to hide from, regard as the enemy, or loathe. The dates are there to help guide your goals. They help you set realistic goals to make sure your expectations are not unreasonably high so you have a fighting chance to succeed. It’s not a date to pick in the future and then be afraid you will have failed when you get there.

Failure is nothing to be afraid of anyway. Sure it hurts and it’s disappointing, but if you haven’t failed at anything that probably means you haven’t strived for anything. I have failed at every weight loss goal I’ve set. Would you tell me it’s not worth trying now? Exactly. Don’t tell yourself that either. The important part is to never stop trying and, as they say, “fail forward.” For instance, if I fall short of each goal I set above and in the end only lost 60 pounds, I would have failed forward. I would have missed the goal, but made significant progress.

The Beginning

As with most things, it's hard to figure out where to start. I immediately want to jump to the conclusion, but I realize the impact is lost without the journey. So, I will start from the beginning.

Since birth, I have had a condition called Lymphedema that causes my legs to be two different sizes. For years the difference was hard to see, but when I started gaining weight in 9th grade the difference grew as my weight increased (and it has mostly increased in the years since.) Right now, the difference in my legs is large enough that each leg is a different pants size. Since it is not possible to buy pants with two different sized legs, it is not uncommon for me to wear jeans that are snug on one leg and baggy on the other.

Lymphedema is not the only reason I find myself looking like I do today. Poor eating habits and lack of exercise have absolutely contributed to my weight problem. Every New Year I would decide to lose weight and every New Year's Eve I would wallow in failure and vow it would be different this time....starting tomorrow, of course. That usually started off well, but soon fell away when I started to rebel against the "confinement" of dieting. I resented the deprivation and restriction of my new food choices so I eventually sabotaged my diet with poor choices. I didn't understand it yet, but I was an emotional eater.

I never lost the dream of losing weight and over the years I was able to pick up some pointers and find some methods that helped me control my weight. The result, however, always remained the same: failure or short-lived success.

This New Year's Eve I found myself with the same goal AND I finally had a better understanding of how to get it. The years I spent struggling have taught me losing weight contains many elements:
1. Set goals with deadlines
2. Create an exercise plan
3. Figure out nutrition that works
4. Get the appropriate amount of sleep
5. Deal with the psychology that helped you gain weight
6. Find a way to be held accountable
7. Find a way to celebrate or be recognized for your successes

This is the first time all of these elements have been put together to lose the weight because I just recently figured out a couple of them. I may still be missing one or two, but if that’s the case, I’ll pick it up along the way this time.

My hope for this blog is that it will help keep me on the path of weight loss so I can achieve my goals. First, I am going to explain how I define each of the elements above in new posts and then I will give you weekly updates on my journey.

Are you ready? Me too. Let’s go!